This is going to be a bit disjointed, but I never write out what I am thinking before hand (like I have that kind of time), so bear with me.
I have been presented with challenging situations lately, that have felt like tests of my intergrity. Basically a series of accidents at stores (Gracie's sticky fingers, my absentmindedness) that have given us things we know we didn't pay for. Gracie took a hat from a clothing store, I left the grocery store with items that didn't get rung up (twice!). In this situations it would be easy to go on our way and steal actually, but I have felt strongly compelled to do the right thing. This meant extra trips back to stores and returning and/or paying for said items. It's funny, I felt proud of myself and almost happy with an opportunity to witness to my kids. Of course they have no idea what's going on, even when it was just Benny and I at the store yesterday, but I would know and of course God would know if I just put the case of coke in my car and drove off.
I want to be better than that and I want their little eyes and hearts to see that mommy does the right thing, even when it's a pain. I was happy to call my mom and husband to tell them what happened. So I was thinking about all that and patting myself on the back a little bit when I felt a nudge from the Father. "Why are you so proud of yourself for doing what your
supposed to?"
Ouch.
I was proud, I thought I had passed these tests with flying colors. But perhaps I missed the point. No, I didn't steal, but hello?! I should be ashamed if I had? Is this not what is expected of me? How often do I congratulate my students for doing their work or praise my kids for not hitting? It's what they are supposed to do. I have set these standards for their own good and while I am glad they do it, It's not necessarily something I want them to gloat about. Perhaps it's the same with my Father and Teacher. He would expect me not to sin in front of my children, He would be glad I didn't succumb to temptation, but probably more disappointed at how prideful I was about it. I can get my rewards here or in heaven, and lately, I've been choosing here. I want my kids to know why we choose to do the right thing, but I also want them to see their mother walk in humility. After all, I am likely to screw up in a variety of other ways.
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